USA, 1982
Review:
JA Kerswell
Co-written and produced by a former Miss Universe, who hung out of a hearse with a loudspeaker to promote it. MORTUARY narrowly missed being picked up by Paramount, but was ultimately another of the movies made at the height of the slasher boom that sat on the shelf for a few years when the market got saturated with teenie-kill epics.
It was eventually independently released with a highly misleading advertising campaign - two years after it was made - to obscure its slasher roots due to changing tastes. Director Howard Avedis always seemed to have his tongue in his cheek and this film made with his wife Marlene Schmidt was no exception. A teenage girl turns Nancy Drew after she suspects her father was murdered; only to become the target of an insane, lovesick killer with a fetish for embalming. A veritable smorgasbord of soap opera histrionics, stiff acting and gleefully ridiculous dialogue. Despite some problems with pacing in its second half and its abject failure as a whodunnit - as one critic archly put it: “Even Stevie Wonder could guess the killer's identity” - it has oodles of early 80s charm, likeable leads and an infectious sense of fun. Plus Bill Paxton with a chipmunk grin and a liking for chewing the scenery. Viewers without an affinity for the cheesier side of slash might struggle with it - but those in the know will have plenty to dine out on here.
A wealthy psychiatrist (played by veteran stuntman Danny Rogers) is attacked and bludgeoned by the pool at his luxury mansion by a mystery assailant. His daughter Christie (Mary McDonough) quickly discovers his body floating in the pool. She is convinced that he has been murdered, but her mother Eve (Lynda Day George) insists it was an accident.
Sometime later, Christie’s boyfriend Greg (David Wallace) helps his friend Josh (Denis Mandel) steal tyres inexplicably stored inside the mortuary where he had worked as compensation for unpaid wages. There they stumble across the owner Hank (Christopher George) engaging in what looks like a Satanic ritual with “… a bunch of women” - one of whom Greg recognises as Christie’s mother Eve.
Whilst Greg is distracted, Josh is stabbed to death with an embalming pipe by someone with a ghoul’s white face and dressed in hooded black robes. Perplexed by Josh’s disappearance, Greg enlists Christie’s help to search for him at the local roller disco. Christie is later pestered by school geek Paul (Bill Paxton) - who also works embalming corpses at his father’s mortuary. She politely turns down his decidedly un-hip offer to listen to his latest Mozart album. As their friend Jim (Curt Ayers) ponders: “What the hell is a Mozart?”
Since the trauma of her father’s death, Christie has begun sleepwalking (in full make-up!). During one episode, she awakes in the same pool her father died in and then is menaced by the same figure who killed Josh. Escaping from the killer’s clutches, she seeks refuge with her mother - who dismisses her concerns as simply bad dreams. Greg later confesses to Christie that he saw her mother at a “sceance” with Hank at the mortuary. They begin to investigate what the pair are up to. Meanwhile, the killer is still on the loose. Will they be able to solve the mystery whilst avoiding the sharp end of an embalming pipe?
“Avedis and Schmidt, as we’ll find out, were experts in the ballyhoo and hustle needed to get their low-budget movies made.”
I usually don’t spoil the killer's identity in the movies I review (and if you want it to remain a mystery skip the next two paragraphs), but his identity is so obvious in MORTUARY that this is rather moot. Could it be the lovesick student with a crush on Christie; who has gone a bit “weird” since his mother supposedly committed suicide and spends his spare time embalming corpses at the mortuary? That would be an affirmative. Bill Paxton has a blast playing Paul. His performance is so over-the-top that it borders on parody. The actor - who went on to a highly successful screen career - cut his teeth on slasher movies including this, NIGHT WARNING (1981) and DEADLY LESSONS (1983). In the film’s most iconic cheesy moment, Greg and Christie bump into him at the cemetery. After briefly chatting, Paul skips off, weaving between the gravestones. The pair look on (with remarkably straight faces) and mouth this choice dialogue: "He's got a little weird since his Mother committed suicide … I'd be weird too if I had Hank Andrews for a father and, on top of that, when I was a kid, locking me up with dead bodies!"
Presumably, Paul’s identity as the killer is meant to be obscured by his white pan stick makeup - which some have pointed out is eerily similar to the spooky Captain Howdy visage glimpsed in THE EXORCIST (1973). However, it is patently clear that it is Paxton as some of the scenes are too brightly lit. Although I’ve never seen it confirmed, it doesn’t seem out of the realm of reason that the killer’s flowing black robes inspired the disguise used by Ghostface in Kevin Williamson’s Love Letter to early 80s slashers SCREAM (1996). The scene where Paul stabs a female victim to death with the embalming pipe, but is clearly in the throws of sexual ecstasy during the killing, is one of the rare moments the movie transcends its cheesiness to approach something altogether darker.
“It was reported she cut her hand on breakaway glass that didn’t shatter properly and fell down a flight of stairs during a chase scene - which meant that she had to have a cast on her right leg and was on crutches for two weeks.” - Mary McDonough's trials and tribulations whilst making MORTUARY
Obviously inspired by the financial success of HALLOWEEN (1978) and specifically FRIDAY THE 13TH (1980), MORTUARY was announced to the trades as a new “suspense film” from husband and wife team Howard Avedis and Marlene Schmidt in September 1980 - with a projected budget of a budget of $850-900,000 (although other reports put it at a much lower $250,000). Other reports have suggested the opposite and that the film was originally meant to have a luxurious $7-9 million budget; but this would have been unheard of for a teen slasher at the time. Those figures seemed to have been designed to attract headlines rather than being based on any kind of reality. Avedis and Schmidt, as we’ll find out, were experts in the ballyhoo and hustle needed to get their low-budget movies made.
There is some confusion as to when exactly the film was made, but it was a 1981 production shot in and around Los Angeles. The cinematography by Gary Graver attracted praise from some critics (Graver himself went on to direct the charmingly abysmal slasher TRICK OR TREATS (1982)). Some sources say it was shot in the spring of 1981, but Variety said filming commenced at the end of October that year. This seemingly contradicts a press report from November 1981 that Mary McDonough said she was happy to be back filming three WALTON’s family specials because the shoot on MORTUARY was so tough. The same syndicated news piece reported she cut her hand on breakaway glass that didn’t shatter properly and fell down a flight of stairs during a chase scene - which meant that she had to have a cast on her right leg and was on crutches for two weeks. Given the reports of McDonough’s injuries, it seems likely that there was a break in filming - which would have been a logistical nightmare for a relatively low-budget movie - but might explain the differing production dates.
Otherwise, McDonough - who lost nineteen pounds in three weeks for the role - had a blast making the movie. When I interviewed her about the film she said: “I loved it! I had always wanted to be a Final Girl because I loved horror films so much. There was a lot of tension on the set, and we worked like vampires all night long but it was fun. I always wanted to be what I called the “airhead ingénue“. I even drew a picture of my character with blonde roots.”
Of Bill Paxton, she said: “Bill was totally into the part. He seemed like a method actor. When we shot in the real mortuary, he actually sat in on an embalming. He was funny and really into it.” Actor Curt Ayers, who played the joker Jim in the film, also confirmed this when I spoke to him and said that Bill was very serious in his preparation for the role - and that he had come in as a last-minute replacement for an actor that didn’t work out (whose identity remains a mystery).
McDonough was at the time best known for her role as Erin in the wholesome TV show THE WALTONS (which ran from 1972-1981). Fellow show alum Melissa Sue Anderson appeared in HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (1981) - and quipped in that film’s press notes: “... it was almost a relief to be chased by a berserk killer” after all the gruelling storylines her character had been put through on the show. The pair acted opposite each other, and with Ayers, in another teen horror in 1981 - the supernatural TV movie MIDNIGHT OFFERINGS.
“It was wild to have these people disrobe and then pretend to be us. Then have us have clothes on for the close-ups. Too funny.” - Mary McDonough on the stunt nudes
The script for MORTUARY called for nudity for both McDonough and David Wallace’s characters. She told me: “I didn’t do my “nude” scenes. I had a body double. I wouldn’t do the nudity. It seemed really gratuitous to me. David didn’t do his either. So in the mortuary it is my double AND in our “love scene” it is two other people. It was wild to have these people disrobe and then pretend to be us. Then have us have clothes on for the close-ups. Too funny. If you notice my body double has tan lines!!! Like I have EVER had a tan???!!!! LOL.”
David Wallace had a brief stint as a Scream King in the early 80s. He filmed Paul Lynch’s HUMONGOUS - the director’s follow-up to his slasher hit PROM NIGHT (1980) - also in 1981. McDonough recalled of the actor: “David Wallace was truly your all-American guy. The director yelled because he wanted more passion from us. Then I had a hard time saying some dumb lines but we stuck together to get through it. It made us closer.” She recalled how embarrassing it was saying North American teenage dialogue written by foreign nationals in their 50s: “Can you say, "Hey boogeyman, let's boogie!". I mean, really? It was so dated, even when we filmed it! I hated that line and I hate that whole scene.” Wallace was heavily promoted as the next big thing. A full-page advert in Variety in November 1981 touted him as an “Incredible teen star” - and mentioned him appearing in both MORTUARY and HUMONGOUS (neither of which were out by that point).
Linda Gross in The LA Times praised McDonough and Wallace’s pairing in her review of the film: “… the quiet love and friendship scenes have an authenticity and ease which makes one wish that the film-makers would have created an entirely different kind of movie.”
Husband and wife team Christopher George and Lynda Day George were familiar faces on North American TV. They had already acted together in DAY OF THE ANIMALS (1977) and went on to make the trash classic PIECES (1982) together. In an odd case of symmetry, given the gruesome wedding scene that makes up MORTUARY’s conclusion, the pair met during a fashion shoot where they were dressed as bride and groom.
McDonough said of Day George: “Lynda was really sweet and we bonded through some long nights together. She didn’t want to slap me and it kept looking fake, so I told her to just go ahead and slap me. WOW, she had a good swing!” Day George - who was only 39 years old when she made MORTUARY - drew some ire from audiences during the lengthy scene where she has to lie still on a mortuary slab. Ed Blank in The Pittsburgh Press said the audience he saw it with mocked her performance as a cadaver: “The longer Miss George’s mutilated body lingers on screen, the louder the audience taunts the actress for Most Conspicious Breathing by an Actress Playing a Corpse.”
“Especially with the effects; the axes going into people’s heads and stuff. I mean, you see these people at the craft service trailer and it becomes normal after a while.” - Curt Ayers on making an early 80s slasher movie
Some press reports sniffily dismissed Christoper George and his wife’s appearances in low-budget horror films from around the time - saying that he only did them to fund a “passion project” he was working on. However, the actor is clearly having fun in MORTUARY and relishes such sardonic lines as “I could run things smoother if people died between 9 to 5”. In a sad irony, he passed away during the film’s belated release in 1983. McDonough recalled: “Christopher was a great man and so fun to get to know. I was so sad for Lynda when he passed. A shock for sure. He was no nonsense and he gave me and Lynda some gruff as mother and daughter”. The actor had already appeared in the 1981 slasher GRADUATION DAY.
Donna Garrett - who played Paul’s mother Mrs. Andrews and has a pivotal role at the close of the film - was an experienced stunt performer who worked on everything from THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE (1972) to HALLOWEEN II (1981) to FOOTLOOSE (1984).
Ayres reflected on what it was like to work on an early 80s slasher movie. “You know, there’s a lot of goofing and they all look very scary on screen. But you have to remember behind the cameras, you’ve got special effects guys and all these people. So it’s actually kind of comical because you see the terror on people’s faces, but you just remember three or four feet away you’ve got a hundred guys picking their noses or scratching their butts. So, it’s a really different perspective seeing a horror film from an acting point of view. Especially with the effects; the axes going into people’s heads and stuff. I mean, you see these people at the craft service trailer and it becomes normal after a while.” The actor said Avedis appreciated improv and that “ ... he knew how to cut a corner to save a buck.” Also, although he didn’t see the movie in theatres he did catch it at the drive-in with his fraternity at Arizona State University. He said they snuck in a keg of beer and it was “ … an experience”. He was quite a celebrity on campus the next day.
MORTUARY had its ‘world premier’ on May 7, 1982, in Tuscon, Arizona at the Mann Theatre (located in the Park Mall Shopping Center). Quite why this location was chosen is lost to the mists of time. Jacqui Tully reported in The Arizona Daily Star that there was a casket with a female mannequin dressed in a wedding dress in the lobby of the theatre showing it. Schmidt and Avedis further promoted the premiere of the movie by painting the name of the movie on the side of a hearse and driving it through the University of Arizona with a loud speaker. “It’s corny”, Schmidt admitted to the paper, but added: “… this is show business.”
Initially, the promotional materials for the film very much sold it as a slasher movie - with the title of the film engraved on the side of a coffin. Adverts for the movie in the local press showed McDonough being menaced by the hooded killer brandishing an embalming pipe - with the tagline: “You are cordially invited to a wedding at the mortuary.”
The following week, The Tuscon reported that Schmidt and Avedis were to hold a public seminar on “what it takes to make money with movies”. An irony is that MORTUARY sat on the shelf for another year.
“We’re not making schlock” - Director Howard Avedis
Avedis and Schmidt are a fascinating duo. However, there is frustratingly little reliable information about the director online. It doesn’t help that the duo seemingly elaborated and fabricated certain aspects of their background depending on the audience that was listening. However, it seems Avedis was born in Baghdad, Iraq in 1927 as Hikmet Labib Avedis (although he also claimed he was an Armenian raised in England). According to his resume, he made serious social conscience films in Iraq, Iran and Lebanon until 1968. He later moved to the United States after allegedly studying film in London and gaining a Master of Arts in Cinema from the University of Southern California. His wife claimed that he was in the same graduating class as George Lucas, but it was Avedis who won the George Cukor Award - which meant that this forty-year-old student was considered the most talented and promising of his graduating class. Possibly a tall tale, as Lucas graduated in 1967 when Avedis was still making films in the Middle East (some of which starred Schmidt). However, it is true that the pair did eventually end up in California and fought their way into the low-budget film industry. Presumably for commercial reasons, Avedis and Schmidt jettisoned ideas at making serious prestige cinema and dove head first into the sexploitation/drive-in scene of the early-mid 1970s with such titles as THE STEPMOTHER (1972) and THE TEACHER (1974). His first flirtation with horror-tinged thrillers came with THE FIFTH FLOOR (1978) - which has the delicious synopsis: “College disco dancer is wrongly committed to an insane asylum” and starred a pre-Freddy Robert Englund and a scene where someone hangs themselves with macramé. In interviews, Avedis would be very insistent that his films didn’t look cheap. “We’re not making schlock”, he would often say.
Schmidt was born in 1934 in East Germany where she gained a master’s degree in engineering. She fled to the West, where she entered a beauty pageant and eventually won the title of Miss Germany and subsequently Miss Universe in 1961. Schmidt joined her husband in the United States, where she co-wrote, produced and starred in many of his films with their company Hickmar Productions. She was arguably the driving force in the partnership and played David Wallace’s mother in MORTUARY.
The pair were hoping that MORTUARY would be picked up by a major studio for a release after its Tuscon debut in May 1982. Most producers of low-budget horror films hoped for the same thing after Paramount made mega bucks with its acquisition of the independently lensed FRIDAY THE 13TH in 1980. Indeed, Schmidt boasted that Paramount were due to come and take a look at their movie; telling the local press: “If they like it, Marlene and Howard will be in business.” However, Paramount presumably didn't like it too much and passed. Domestic rights were eventually acquired in late 1982 by Artists Releasing Corporation (ARC) for a release through Film Ventures International (FVI). ARC also theatrically released slasher movies INCUBUS (1981), PIECES (1982) and THE HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW (1982). FVI also regularly released horror films around the time - and had scored a sizeable hit with William Girdler’s GRIZZLY (1976) (which also starred Christopher George).
What had looked highly marketable in 1980-81 was looking less so by 1983. The slasher movie bubble had burst - at least theatrically. Audiences had grown weary and the market was severely oversaturated. MORTUARY wasn’t alone in having sat on the shelf as tastes and fashions changed (which they did much more rapidly back then than today). This was such a concern for ARC and FVI that the advertising push for the film was retooled to suggest that the film featured zombies - and the poster showing a hand bursting from a grave purposefully recalled CARRIE (1976). The poster wasn’t a total cheat. One character is drugged and narrowly misses being embalmed and the film features a twist where someone presumed dead comes back to life - but it isn’t difficult to see how many patrons might have thought they were being mis-sold. Even more so given a new trailer was shot featuring Michael Berryman (who isn’t even in the movie, but did appear briefly in Avedis' THE FIFTH FLOOR in 1978) as a grave digger pulled into the grave he’s digging by an unseen force.
Beginning in March 1983 the film began its regional rollout in areas such as Texas and Nevada, before expanding to a minimum of 400 theatres in California, Florida and New York in August 1983. MORTUARY was a modest hit. It made a tidy profit with a US cinema gross of $4.3 million. To put that into context, it made more at the box office than much better-remembered slasher movies from the time, such as HELL NIGHT (1981) and SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT (1984).
“ … the latest gore bore, is a cauldron of specious effects, crippled direction and acting as moving as the corpses.” - One critic wasn't a fan
However, very predictably, MORTUARY was not much of a hit with movie critics. Ed Blank in The Pittsburgh Press led with “Mortuary dying a quick death” - which opened to five screens in January 1984. His less than favourable review continued: “The chew-and-spew crowd didn’t much like Mortuary” and “[it] … has that let’s-shoot-it-this-morning-and-have-it-on-screens-by-this-afternoon look.”
Lou Cedrone The News-Journal called it: “Another in the slice and dice school of horror films.” He also said: “The film, truthfully, is not quite so bloody and gory as others of this genre, but it is otherwise so silly and foolish that some of the spectators were wondering, aloud, if they could get their money back.”
Michael Blowen in The Boston Globe dismissed the movie as: “ … the latest gore bore, is a cauldron of specious effects, crippled direction and acting as moving as the corpses.”
J.A. Conner noted in The Santa Cruz Sentinel: “Ever since “Halloween” made such a slashy splash, neighborhood cinemas have been crammed with these usually poor-to-terrible “Teens-in-Peril” pictures. You know, airheaded coeds and their tacky dates being put out of their existential misery by some cleaver-toting maniac with an intense sense of humor and mean backhand.” Conner was of the opinion that Avedis hadn’t got the memo and teen slash was out and teen sex comedies were in.
Linda Gross in The LA Times was a little more nuanced with her take: “Instead of a tight, scary little thriller, Aveis and Schmidt have written a bloody, ludicrous, over explicit pathological horror story.” However, she praised the cinematography by Gary Graver, calling: “… classy and, at times, very beautiful.”
One good review came from critic Henry Edgar in The Daily Press and he called the film “… well-crafted horror”. He continued; “”Mortuary” is rare among horror films. Even though the script leaves a few holes, the dialogue is mostly natural and the director keeps the action moving at a quick pace.”
Avedis and Schmidt followed MORTUARY with the everything-but-the-kitchen-sink THEY’RE PLAYING WITH FIRE (1984). Perhaps stung by the criticism that they were still peddling the teen slasher, when the teen sex comedy was all the rage, the pair put both subgenres through the blender and added Sybil Danning. Not to mention many of the bit players from this film. Avedis passed away in 2017 at the age of 90 and Schmidt returned to Germany.
Those looking for serious chills better look elsewhere, but MORTUARY has all the fun of the roller disco for those looking for a side of cinematic cheese.
BODYCOUNT 5:
Female 1 / Male 4
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For archival purposes, the old review for MORTUARY can be viewed here.
Read the full interview with Mary McDonough.
Listen to the full interview with Curt Ayers on the fourth episode of The Hysteria Continues.