the forest jpg

1 star.jpg   Cheese Rating: 50% Fiesty Fromage!

"If you go down to the woods alone..."

directed by:
starring: Dean Russel, Elaine Warner, John Batis.

(back of video blurb):
       "Fed up with the hectic lifestyle of California, Steve and Charlie decide they need a vacation and plan a camping expedition. When they tell their wives 'Teddie' and 'Sharon' they agree to plan to go as a foursome.

       The next day the girls drive to meet their husbands as arranged at a point in the forest. They arrive and wait unaware that Steve and Charlie's car has broken down.

       All alone as darkness descends they decide to set upcamp rather than take the long trip home in the pouring rain. Teddie and Sharon's eerie feeling of being watched could just be nerves. But it isn't!

       Someone is watching- or rather something- a psychotic killer with a craving for human flesh..."

choice dialogue:

"I don't know about splitting's usually not a good idea."

slash with panache?

       In a word, No. It's a grade Z, back-packing slash-a-thon which starts with too very wooden (but hey that's ok, it ties in nicely with the forest theme!), middle aged actors being offed by briefly glimpsed back wood loon.

       Then four late twenty-something decide to take a break from the smog bound 'Daddy'- ooh scary!city, "I'm surrounded by insanity!" barks charlie. After some light hearted battle of the sexes banter the men and women get seperated. On the edge of the forest Charlie and Steve are warned by the obligatory doomster of the danger lurking within, "Over the years there's been some people who've been in there and never came back out". Meanwhile the ladies are awoken by a strange peroxided apparition asking "Have you seen my children?...They must be punished!". It turns out that the children too are ghostswandering the forest warning folks that "Daddy's gone a hunting" and "Go and hide or Daddy's going to eat you!".

       Daddy had been driven mad by his wife's infedelity and killed her and her repair man lover.He then persuaded the children to go and live in the forest with him, whrer they became so depressed they killed themselves, which sent Daddy completely mad and for some reason turned him into a cannibal. Much inept stalking ensues captured by even more inept camera work. To top things off a creme cheese ending of the highest order in strobe effect no less!

       Still, one redeeming feature is the awesome theme song:

There's nothing to fear,
People do disappear,
In the darkside of the forest...forest...forest
Now don't get lost,
Or you'll have to pay the cost,
As many have died,
In the darkside of the forest...."

BODYCOUNT 7  bodycount!   female:3 / male:4

       1: Middle aged male back packer stabbed in gut.
       2: Female backpacker chased and throat cut.
       3: Teddie stabbed to death (and then it is suggested she is eaten!)
       4: Mother killed by bed side cabinet! (flashback)
       5: Refrigirator repairman pushed onto circular saw.
       6: Charlie drowned and then hung up for Daddy's lunch.
       7: Daddy meets a Mrs Voorhees inspired end at the hands of mother/Sharon.